The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
