remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
