Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
bring money and cleavage
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
