The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
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