i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize