i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
its liver damage thursday
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
