I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
