I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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