to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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