I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
