Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
