He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
