too bad you live with your parents still
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
