I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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