I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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