i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
