yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
