And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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