Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
