Your face is a jimmy john
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
