Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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