wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i now understand why vodka
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
