I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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