Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
