Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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