Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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