apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
