Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize