i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
BRING THE BAGELS
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
