the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
