Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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