Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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