Porn is love you can see.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
