i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
