We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize