I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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