Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
