i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
