Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
