Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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