forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
