so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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