Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
two words: eviction party
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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