He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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