So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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