I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
