I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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