What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
