new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
