she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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