My girlfriend figured out who you are.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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