Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
