The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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