What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
