I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
