Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize