ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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