i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
