My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
