She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
