3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
