so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
