i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
