i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
