I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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