I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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